My blog, My kids, My life

Rain Drops on Roses and Whiskers on Kittens...

2012-01-01T14:55:00.000-05:00

Most of you who know me know that I have a list of things I don't like:

Christmas
Christmas Music
Weddings
Summer
Winter
Spring
Fake People
Not Saying What You Mean
Not Meaning What You Say
Perfume
Cats and Kittens
Dresses and Skirts
My Birthday
Pepsi
Airports
People Who Try Too Hard

I talk about these, but hardly mention those things that I like. Some of it may not be traditional stuff, but it's me.

Christmas Movies
Eloping
Fall or any weather between 60-70
Being Who You Are
Saying What You Mean
Meaning What You Say
The Absence of Fragrance
Dogs, Frogs, And Puppies
Pants, I Love Pants
Cleaning
Being Comfortable
Watching People, but Not in a Stalkerish Way
Savoring the Quiet and doing absolutely Nothing for a Few Minutes
Listening to My Kids Laugh
Listening to My Son Talk Legibly
Listening to Matthew Play Keyboard
Watching Matthew Pick out a Song on Keyboard
Snickers
Word Games
Memories, Even the Bad Ones
The Simple Joy of Accomplishing a Task
Watching My Kids Grow Up
Singing Praise Songs
Being Right ;-)
A Hot Shower
The smell of cinnamon
My Brothers and Sisters
My Parents Both Biological and the Ones I Married Into
My Butt
Ambition
Success After Failure
Working Hard for What You Want
How My Son ALWAYS Smells Like Chocolate
How My Daughter Overflows with Creativity
People you can Count On
The Joy and Comfort of My Salvation
Coke and Sun Drop
Cooking
Black, Black Clothes, Black Eye shadow, just the Color Black

The like list is far longer than the unlike list. I just don't like to humanize myself I guess, makes me less vulnerable. When it all comes down to it, whiskers on kittens and warm woolen mittens, just don't do it for me. I maintain that cats are the devils minions and woolen mittens would just be plain itchy, anyways I may not enjoy some of the cliche things in life, but despite popular belief there are things that I enjoy, my "happy" thoughts if you may.

Christmas Once Again

2011-12-21T22:09:00.001-05:00

Tuesday came and went and it is with great pride and joy that I can say that I passed the HESI. I am how ever saddened that a few of my classmates did not. I want them all to make, every single one of them. next semester would not be the same. I have great confidence in all of them. They know this stuff, we all do really. I still don't get the HESI, it doesn't seem to test nursing knowledge as much as it does test taking strategies. I know that there is a method to the madness just as there is some reason that some still have this dumb HESI hanging over their heads.

Christmas day is approaching fast and I have mixed emotions about this crazy season as always. I know that it is supposed to be a happy time of year, but it is not always so. Tomorrow marks the anniversary of the death of my very best friend. It was a very long time ago and I was just a child, but I will always remember that day and the days to follow. I hold a special place in my heart for his family still and after all these years still have the picture his mother gave me after he died. I remember first hearing the news, I remember the first time I saw his mother after his death and the first words she said to me. She said, "Jennifer, we are going to get through this, God has a reason." It is amazing how after 22 years my memories of those days are so vivid yet I can barley remember what happened yesterday. I remember Christmas eve for it was the day of the funeral, other than that it is a blur. I remember parts for Christmas day, but the only thing I really remember was my friend's brother's coming over and giving my brother and I each a gift they had bought for my friend. My brother got a race track and I got a little boom box. I also remember that I had gotten this bed tent and I would just lay in it and listen to music on the boom box and cry. One point my friend's brother came in, not sure how long after or when exactly, but he knelt by my bed and prayed and told me we would get through this and he knew it wasn't fair.

That holds true, life isn't fair and down right sucks at times, but such is life. Each and every experience molds us into the individuals we are. Weather it is not passing the HESI on the first chance, or developing an admonitory for the holidays when you are 10, the principle is still the same. I am going to remember tomorrow in honor of my friend and the witness he was at such a young age. A friend of his came to Jesus through his death. Just an example of God's perfect plan in action. Tomorrow I will make new memories, especially ones with my children, after all my son Logan is named after that friend I lost so many years ago.

Another Clinical

2011-12-16T15:53:00.000-05:00

I was excited to experience the “other side” of Stanley Town Healthcare. I was interested in being able to compare and contrast the two sides. The morning started out pretty much the same with waking the patients, getting out their food trays, and assisting with baths. The first thing that I noticed was the CNAs on the rehab side were all older than me, whereas the CNAs on the long term side were mostly younger than me. The attitude on the rehab side was different and dare I say a little more cheerful. The CNAs seemed to enjoy their job more and really connected with their patients more. The patients were in better spirits and were more coherent for the most part. I guess that the prospective of a “going home” date lift the spirits and gives hope to the patient, that and a lot of these patients were younger than the ones in long term. I liked my CNA, she had been there for 8 years and you could tell that she really loved the patients. Liz and I both got to work with the same CNA. I enjoyed working with both of them. Our first mission was to wake the patient’s and hand out breakfast trays.
The first experience I want to talk about is with a long term client, even though we were on the rehab side this is where she lived. I am not sure why she was on rehab, but it may have had something to do with her CNA. They obviously had a connection with each other and the patient did so much better with this particular CNA. The CNA said that she had been this patient’s CNA since she started working there. The patient was admitted more than 8 years ago and was walking and talking back then and slowly deteriorated to being bed ridden, not able to talk and barley able to move. Our assigned CNA asked us to give this particular patient a bed bath. She warned us that it wasn’t going to be pleasant. Liz and I started bathing the patient; she was stiff and turned in a partial fetal position facing away from the window and towards the door. The warm wet wash cloth touched the patient’s skin and the crying and moaning started. We gently talked to her and I tried to talk about what was on TV and the upcoming holiday season to no avail. My heart cried out for her and I wondered if even our gentle touch was causing her pain. We finished her bath, dressed her, and changed her diaper. We also had the pleasure of putting on her compression stockings, which led to be somewhat more difficult than the patient I had done earlier. With the help of our CNA we used the geri-lift to put the patient on a geri-chair. No one else could get this patient to eat, so our CNA sat down and fed her and she ate a container of yogurt and half a container of applesauce. The CNA’s love and compassion shone through in both herself and the patient.
The second experience I want to talk about is giving a bubble bath. All be it a simple task it is somewhat different at Stanley Health care. This patient had spinal surgery in September and was aiming to go home the following Monday. She had an appointment at Baptist and was getting ready to make the long haul. Bath time came and off we went to the bathing room. There is a door on the side of the tub so the patient and easily get in. We were advised to make sure that we always remember to lock the door or we would flood the bathroom. There was a shower head that could be used in conjunction with the tub so it made washing the hair and rinsing the patient easier. The patient got in and was in sitting position and the tub tilted back so it was more of a semi-fowlers position. The patient bathed herself with help with her back and hair. We helped her dry off and get dressed, then on to her room to put makeup on and fix her hair.
The third and final experience is something that I found rather intriguing and the patient was just as intriguing and very nice and informative. Jessica and I were answering a call bell and a patient with recent knee replacement surgery called us over to help him out. He told us he was going to show us something we may not have seen before. He called it “revolutionary,” but I am not sure if I would go that far. What he had was a large insulated drink thermos with a tube coming out the bottom. He asked me to fill it with ice and water, and then he would show me how to hook it up. I filled his request and headed back to the patient’s room. He had me connect the tube to this “pack” with a hole in it and squeeze the water out and up the tube. He wanted to show off his incision that had just been unwrapped earlier that morning. That being done he pulled the compression stocking up and over his knee and he put on the ice pack and asked me to hold the thermos high and feel as the cold water flowed in. I was happy to have such a nice and informative man to help out.
I found that we were doing more than just bathing and feeding. I also got to know more of the patients and hear some interesting stories. I also observed the rehab room which I found fascinating. There was cooking, cutting play dough, making necklaces, walking around cones, and a balance machine that drew on a screen with movement. All in all I enjoyed being on the rehab side and enjoyed it more than the long term side.

First Clinical

2011-12-16T15:50:00.000-05:00

I was both excited and nervous for my first clinical experience. The alarm clock went off at 4:45am and too my surprise I had little trouble waking up that morning. The day proved to be a long day, but I am no stranger to working my butt off. I found many of the tasks I performed were similar to those of my daily routine and looking after my children, but on a much larger and more aseptic scale. I am familiar with constant hand washing, but still have to get use to the constant habit of changing gloves. I will tell you this; I will never again leave the ice scoop in the cooler. A CNA said to me, “Let me stop you there,” and I knew right away what I had done. Yup, I left the scoop in the cooler, closed it, and walked away. The CNA was nice in the way she corrected my wrong doing and I was happy to get any advice from anywhere that I could. Aside from forgetting my name tag and having to go all the way back to Ridgeway and get it before clinical at 6:45am, my day was fairly un eventful, but I did have some memorable experiences.
I spent a majority of the morning waking people up, cleaning their perianal areas, dressing them and then serving them breakfast. I did have the privilege of helping a lady that could not see with her breakfast. She did not say very much and had a hard time hearing, but I will tell you this, she loved chocolate milk. She had three cartons of it and kept telling me how delicious it was. I learnt a lot throughout the morning, but my real learning experiences were about to begin.
We had just finished helping the residents perform their morning routines and get ready for the activity of the day, which was cooking something in the activities room. Most of the residents were very excited about that. A CNA grabbed me and said, “Have you showered someone today?” “No, no I haven’t,” I said. “Alright, you can help Jessica with showering a resident.” So off I went to help with what is such a simple, personal task for me. The lady I got to shower was a character and a joy to work with. She was so patient and gave me much needed tips on my “technique.” She was a colorful individual without much shame. Washing her back and limbs were pretty straight forward and too my surprise somewhat easier then washing a stiff, helpless mannequin. I have that part down, but the mannequins back at the nursing lab at PHCC do not have cellulite rolls. I got to the point that I needed to wash the torso and the resident looked down at her breasts and said to me, “Here, let me lift up these big old things for you. Be careful, you might find a cornflake in there.” I was surprised at how straight forward she said it and it brought a smile to my face and helped to lighten the mood. The resident said the same thing about her stomach and instructed me on how she liked it to be cleaned and told me all about skin break down. When we had finished the shower, the resident said that she had a tip for drying people with big bellies. She picked up a towel and rolled it up, lifted up her belly and tucked the towel under her belly. “There,” she said, “just leave it there for a bit and it will dry it right up without causing irritation.” I thanked her for the tip and we finished with her powders and lotions. I must say that I was surprised with the use of powders on the residents because our books said not to use them.
We finished up with our resident, dressing her and helping her settle into her room. Just as soon as I walked into the hallway, Ms Hubbard grabbed me a said, “Go help Liz.” I see Liz walking down the hall and rush to catch up with her. I told her I was there to help and she was very relieved. One of the residents kept attempting to get out of her bed and Liz had been trying to figure out what the lady wanted. Scott had also come to try and decipher what the lady wanted. She was hard to understand and for the most part was incoherent and rambling random sentences; random to us, but I am sure significant to her. We thought that maybe she wanted to sit up and perhaps get in her chair and go for a stroll. We did everything by the book. Introduced ourselves, raised the bed to working level, and did a two person lift to assist her to the seated position. Once we got her seated, she said something we understood, “Dress me in something warm.” Liz then proposed that maybe she was just cold. It felt like it was 150 degrees in there, but hey who are we to argue. The resident was wearing just a gown, so we looked in her closet and found a warm robe and helped her into it. This task is completely different this dressing the mannequin and is fairly harder than dressing my children. It seemed like we fumbled our way through it and got her dressed, laid her back down, covered her and lowered the bed. We asked if that is what she wanted and got another random sentence. She looked at her robe and seemed to be pleased. She touched it with her hand and rambled off another sentence, but seemed more content. We were all getting ready to leave and the resident looked at Liz and said, “I love you.” She then looked at me and said, “I Love you too.” Last of all she looked at Scott and said, “I even love him.” I am guessing by this out pouring of affection and the fact that she stopped trying to get out of bed, that we had discovered what she wanted.
I will probably remember these to experiences, not only because they were my first official nursing student experiences, but because of the residents. I have had experience dealing with similar situations and I helped a lady out at her house once, but dealing with people who are in a place where they are reliant on others is a different story. Then vulnerability of these residents during these instances was really brought to light. The work we did was hard and tiresome and was by no means glamorous, but I actually enjoyed it for the most part, setting aside the perianal care of course. I am excited to go back and actually wish that I didn’t have to wait until Thursday. My first clinical experience has actually excited and encouraged me for what is to come. I knew that the work was going to be hard and know that it is going to get harder, but nothing worth anything in life comes easy and I am ready to work as hard as I have to so I can accomplish my goal of becoming an RN in 2013!

Semester's End

2011-12-16T15:39:00.000-05:00

I know it has been a while, as I look back at my posts, I see the last time I posted was the 3rd week of classes. We are now at the end of the semester and I "passed" my class, but cannot move on until I pass this darn HESI. I am not sure who initiated this whole torture process and how exactly it works, but I am not a fan.

I passed my classed and got good reports in clinical, there is no way that I am going to let this test be my downfall. I have listened to welcomed and non-welcomed advice and it all seems to go along the same lines; Rest, eat, practice. Check, check, and check. In my opinion the biggest part is in the way you think. I guess I have always looked at the big picture and now I am trying to train myself to look at everything step, by step in every teeny, tiny detail.

I know my stuff, that I am absolutely positive, get me to give a shot, insert a catheter, or give a tube feeding, that I would ace, that I am good at. I have always hated the idea of tests, exams, SATs, and SOLs. I have always been better in practice than on paper as are so many. You can know the book knowledge back to front, but not how to put into practice, or you can be the kind of person that learns better with hands on experience, but find it hard visualizing and comprehending what you read. To me everything in life makes more sense when you get hands on practice. You can tell a person over and over again how to be a parent, but it really doesn't smack them in the face until they bring that little bundle of screaming joy home from the hospital and they are up all night with the little one... but I digress.

Oh, did I mention that I missed the mark by ONE, yes ONE, question. I KNOW that God has a plan in all this and I am in good company with the rest of my friends who will be re-taking the HESI on Tuesday. As far as I can tell is there is no pattern in who passed and who did not. It is what it is and that is how life is. I guess God is teaching my humility and patience, both of which I need to work on. Like some of God's lessons and plans, this one is not particulary one of the "fun" ones, or one that I much care for, but in HIS time, and HIS time only, it will be just what He wants it to be, nothing more, nothing less, just God's perfect plan.

Week 3 is over!

2011-09-09T17:08:00.000-04:00

Another week of nursing school has come and gone and left me completely stressed and exhausted. Put that aside and I LOVE it. Grant it some parts are utterly boring and I would rather be watching 3 day cricket, but for the most part it is interesting and I focus on the fact that I am bettering myself for my family and our future.

Last week brought an unimaginable amount of homework and an assigned seating arrangement. Not all bad, it gives me a chance to get to know some of the other students that will be on this two year journey with me. Just as long as I am not near a smoker, darn asthma. I blame my mom, you know genetics. I sometimes sit in class in wonder which ones of us will make it. I hope we all do, I desire for all of us to succeed. I have some guesses, but would never vocalize them; ha, imagine that, me not vocalizing something. I can see myself succeeding, one thing I am not is a quitter or a failure. So far God has provided all I need to get to this point and He will continue to provide what I need.

People often say, "Good things come to those that wait." This exact saying is an old English that is not actually in the Bible. This actual saying is an old English proverb that was particularly popularized by a Heinz ketchup and Guinness alcohol commercial in the 1980s and 90s. It holds some truth, but is also missing some truth. Good things do come to those who wait, but you have to work for most things, like say, becoming a nurse. A load of studying is involved and a lot of sacrifice too, but in time it will be good and it will be worth it. The other, most important thing that people forget is it is God's time. This point brings me to Lamentations 3:25. This verse says, "The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him." Not only is waiting involved, but seeking God and His will and His time.

Thinking about all this waiting, studying, and working my bum off that I have been doing the past three weeks and how that is only the beginning of this new chapter I have started in my life. This all reminds me of my sheer mental and physical exhaustion which brings me once again to the Bible verse I like to call one of my life verses, which coincidentally is also about waiting and actually goes along with the verse from Lamentations. "He gives power to the weak, and those who have no might He increases strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall, But those who WAIT on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." Isiah 40:29-31

No matter what these next few years bring I KNOW God will give me strength. I may not know much more then that, but this much I DO know. He is already proving His faithfulness to me in ways I never expected. I will not go into to it, but sometimes God gives you something that you have been looking for and WAITING for, the rest is just ahead.

If I knew What I know Now

2011-08-24T13:31:00.000-04:00

Life is so hectic right now, but I am LOVING every last minute of it. Well, most minutes anyway. I really don't have time for this, there are a million and one things that need to be done. I just thought that I would sit down for a bit and share my thoughts. I know, I know, not everyone has to know what I am thinking, I am working on that, but if you don't want to know, stop stalking my blog.

I have been thinking a lot lately about the person I used to be and the person I am now. Not in any derogatory sense, but in the sense of experience. I look back twelve years and I see a young girl trying to figure things out. Trying to make sense of the world and her role in it. Just gotten married and embarking on a new life. Back then I wanted to be a chef. Cooking is still one of my passions in life. Past experiences had caused me to mature faster, or so I thought. I thought I knew better about a lot of stuff that I was really clueless on. All that aside I look back to that point in my life and realize that no matter what I admit I have changed! Despite what my OCD tendencies tell me, it is not a bad thing. I have matured so much since those days. I look at life as an adult now and not a teenager.

I look back seven years, to before I had children. I grew up in a big family and being the oldest of 4 I knew somewhat about kids. I had been raised babysitting my siblings and other kids in the church. What I didn't think about is how much it would influence, my habits. I never dreamed that I would watch so much Disney Channel and appreciate the inconspicuousness of children's shows. I never thought that I would long so much for the old shows I used to watch as a kid, or that I would actually enjoy watching Disney's Prank Stars.

Well, here I am 7 years later and just started nursing school. In two years I will be an RN. I can't even begin to imagine the different person that I will become. Sure, I will still be without a doubt me, blunt, to the point, brutally honest, and speak my mind when appropriate, but I hope to be a more patient person.

I intend to take every life experience and use it to it's utmost and full potential. Whether it be overcoming my fear of crickets so I can feed my fire belly toads or learning to be more tactful in a professional environment, I know that I can succeed!

Praise Him in the Storm

2011-08-12T20:01:00.000-04:00

I have sat down a dozen times in the past week to write a blog post and composed twice as many in my head. Life is moving as fast as a NASCAR race right now and isn't slowing down for anything.

I have came to one conclusion over the past week; life is awesome, even when it isn't. I know that sounds contradictory, but it holds a lot of truth. I could sit here and rattle on about all the negative things happening in life and all the people who have upset me, but really what good does that do? Well, besides setting out on a vendetta to let everyone know my feelings and try to hurt theirs. Again, what good does that do? All it does is let the circumstances of life take over and turn other people's problems into your own. In the end, you wind up being the miserable person that people want you to be. The truth of the matter is no matter how bad it gets, someone else has it worse. Look at Job in the Bible. His life fell apart and he lost everything and everyone and still he praised God! That is awesomely amazing! After all aren't we blessed just to be created in God's image? Despite what we think at the given time every breath we take is a gift from God. Every person that does us wrong or some how hurts us is God's way of making us stronger, making us better, making us what He wants us to be.

So, I started this post this morning and it is now the evening. Just another example of crazy life in this house

So what in the world was I saying... Life isn't perfect, it rarely is, after all it is life, but life is always awesome. Just the fact that we breath is a testimony to how great our God is. Some people are jerks and deserve a good whack with a wet noodle(stupid people will always be stupid), but for whatever reason God has allowed them in your life for a reason, or maybe we are misconceiving the situation and God has put YOU in THEIR life for a reason. Whatever the situation take it for what it is and totally cherish the people that renew your faith in having friends and forgive them when they need it and they will return the favour when you need it.

No matter the situation praise Him in the storm!

Life is What You Make it…

2011-07-30T10:06:00.001-04:00

OK too much Disney Channel. I always want to sit here and type something meaningful and profound, something that will make a person think or change a life, but I am not that profound of I person. What I can tell you is that life around here doesn't slow down for anything. The summer has flown by. The kids keep growing, the frogs keep croaking, the dumb dog keeps chasing her tail and doesn’t get anywhere, Things at the husbands work have changed with a new co-worker, and even I am moving forward.

A few years ago I was just a stay at home mom, nothing wrong with that, but it is not for everyone. I decided back in 2009 to open a new chapter in my life and go back to school. Despite what people think I am doing this for my family, for my kids mostly, for their futures and to provide a good example for them. I am often told by people how hard it is going to be. DUH… I don’t expect it to be easy, life is seldom easy and the good things in life we have to work for, well most normal people anyways. It has taken some sacrifice, but contrary to what people have believe, I have not sacrificed much family time. I have sacrificed sleep and TV mainly and some sanity, but being completely sane is highly over rated. I am often asked how I make time for it. the answer is simple, we make time for what is important to us or for what we want. The importance of things are different for everyone and that is OK. I have made time for college, because it is important to me, someone else may make time for work or volunteer at Good Will, nothing wrong with that. The important thing to remember is no matter what we choose to do to put God first. Give it all to Him and the rest will fall into place. It is not for anyone else to judge what is God’s Will and despite what people think His Will is not always obvious to other people and it most definitely is not what may be right for them. Just because it is not for them, does not mean that it is veering from the path God has chosen. I strongly believe that our lives and choices are as individual as we are. If they weren’t life would be rather boring to say the least. When it comes down to it, it is between God that that individual what choices to make.

OK, enough incessant rambling. Time to go and make something of the day.

Technorati Tags: God's will,life,college,kids,choices

He is the Potter, I am the Clay

2011-07-25T11:46:00.001-04:00

I am striving to be a different person. Not different from who I am but different from everyone else. I want to be true to myself and love life to its fullest. Most important of all I want to be who and what God wants me to be.

Everybody has their theories of life and their philosophies of how we are to handle life's problems. Everybody has their fortune cookie sayings and their words of wisdom that they rattle off in the midst of a storm. I don't really find comfort in these things. Rather I want to slap the person silly. It is not random, cliché sayings that bring us wisdom and comfort, but God and God alone. It is all the events in life, both the good and the bad that mold us into the person that God wants us to be if we let Him do so.

People often ask about regrets and what a person would go back and change if they had a time machine or what they would have done differently. To say I have no regrets would be a lie. I do, we all do, we are after all human. I would have done a thousand things differently, but knowing what I know now, there is nothing that I would go back and change. Through my mistakes I have seen the true and pure love of my wonderful husband. Through his mistakes I have seen that he is is not perfect and that we need each other to be better people and to be complete. Other people's mistakes humanize them and serve as lessons and examples for us. The death of loved ones have drawn me closer to God and those that matter in my life. My clinical depression has pulled me closer to God and my husband and has shown me who I can count on and trust. Not only has it revealed who I could be, am, and strive to be, but also the true nature of others. My dearest husband, no matter what he thinks is strong and persevering. My mother in-law was there when it counted, and the prayers of my parents and grandparents were worth more then they know. It has made me who I am. I see life, friendships and relationships(yes, they are two different things), in a different light now. I am not who I once was. I may still be cynical, sarcastic, sadistic and somewhat harsh, but I view life in a different light. I would like to think that I am becoming, the wife, mother, daughter, sister, student and everything in between that God wants me to be.

I am not going to change what makes me, me, but I am going to try to be more like Jesus. My kids have told me that they want to be like mommy when they grow up and that is the last thing I want for my children. What I want is for them to be like Jesus and hopefully they will see that through me.

So to all of the 4 people that read my blog, if there is that, be who you are and strive to be like Jesus each and everyday. Embrace the good and the bad in life and let God use it to mold you into the person that He wants you to be.

Peace Out!

ZZZZZZZZZ.........

2011-07-21T00:22:00.001-04:00

Laying here not able to sleep.
Not a noise in the house, not even a peep.
So much to do, so little time.
All this silence should be a crime.
Belly is starting to grumble,
"No more calories left," I mumble.
Close my eyes and try to drift away.
Must get rested for a brand new day.

I am Who I am

2011-07-20T14:13:00.001-04:00

Yup, that's me! If you don't like it, don't come around.

I will be the first of a long line of people to admit that I am blunt, a little more then slightly harsh, rough around the edges, blatantly outspoken, and not at all subtle. I guess it is not always a bad thing. I say what I think. Not everything, just most of it. If it is true, I say it. The other day Matthew said, "you know you don't have to say it, just because it is true." My response is, "I just say what everyone else is thinking." I am working on it to some extent, you know, maybe hold the comments unless some asks. Unfortunately this is a characteristic that has rubbed off on my children. I guess some of it is age and the rest is that I have taught them to speak their mind. I want to know what they are feeling and their opinions. For all of us though, attitude is everything. It is all in how you say it and I guess that is what I need to work on. My tolerance level for certain people and situations is less then adequate. In stead of shouting harsh, angry words that are indeed 100 percent truthful, maybe reasoning or discussing would be a better route. I am not sure if reasoning with the unreasonable is possible, but it has to be easier when at least one of those parties is sane, rationale, and calm. Once again I will taken on a venture that is probably doomed for failure, but maybe it will be different this time, just maybe if I change other things will change too. I will try to be more calm, understanding, and perhaps slightly more subtle. Sure I will still speak my mind, but maybe in a more appropriate way.

Disclaimer: This isn't about who/what you think it is, it is about me.

Just an Update.

2011-07-17T20:15:00.001-04:00

I know, I know... Once again it has been a while. Life has been crazy, but awesomely crazy. The summer is half over and life has been good. Logan has made a fabulous recovery fro
His surgery back in March. He has gone from having a severe speech delay to being caught up with other kids his age who have delays. It never ceases to amaze me how well he is doing now and what a different little boy we have now. I never realized how hard it was on the family and how much it affected me until after his surgery. Not only has his speech gotten better, but his whole demeanor has changed. I now have have HAPPY boy who actually laughs. He is also doing better socially and even his eating has gotten better. He is so ready to start pre-school in the fall.

Grace is doing well. Growing up way too fast and now has competition for which kid can talk the most in a matter of 30 minutes. She really watches out for her little brother and is becoming self reliant. I cannot believe that she is starting the 1st grade in the fall.

Matthew is doing great. The band he is in, "Admit One" is doing well and they are looking to branch out to doing gigs outside of our community. He really loves doing it and it is an awesome evangelism opportunity.

As for me... Well I am just great. Sure life has its ups and downs, but how boring would life be if it were all flat and even? Much like driving on the straight, even roads of Michigan lined with fields of corn and annoying 4 way stops. The way I see it is the "downs" prepare us for the hard times or the trials. All that aside life has been good and I have discovered some true friends while being in school. Hopefully those ladies will be big support for me when I start nursing school in the fall. I have also discovered that I have the most awesome husband in the world. He in fact knows what true love is. No matter what he is always supportive and he always loves me. God has greatly blessed me with such a wonderful man.

Velopharyngeal Insufficiency

2010-12-08T08:27:00.002-05:00

Speech is easy for some, but others have speech impediments. The types of speech impediments differ, and many circumstances may cause the problems. One particular circumstance causes hypernasal speech. This is where too much air escapes through the nose while talking. This condition is called Velopharyngeal Insufficiency (VPI). In this condition the soft palate, the soft flap of skin at the back of the roof of the mouth, does not function correctly. There can be many problems with the soft palate. It may not close correctly, or it may be too short; therefore, air escapes through the nose when it should not. Speech therapy helps but will not fix the problem if there are any structural deformities. These structural deformities can be fixed by an orthodontic prosthetic or surgery followed by intense speech therapy to retrain the patient how to talk correctly. A few different types of surgeries are done depending on the problem causing the VPI. There are different prosthetics used depending on the problem causing the VPI and the situation of the patient. VPI is most common in patients with prior medical problems, such as cleft palate or submucus cleft palate, but there can also be no apparent cause. “While VPI is not among the most serious of speech impairments, it can affect the child’s development and should be addressed through appropriate medical treatment and speech therapy.”

The main symptoms of VPI have to do with the nasal sounding speech and air leaking out the nose during speech. The types of symptoms are nasal sound substitutions, nasal voice quality, nasal air emission, and glottal sound substitutions ("Velopharyngeal Insufficiency"). With nasal sound substitutions, the child will substitute nasal sounds (m,n) for oral sounds (p,b,t,d). This is not the child's fault; he/she is medically unable to form those particular sounds. Nasal voice quality is the overall nasal sounding speech called hypernasality, which is the opposite of talking with a cold (hyponasality). With hypernasality, too much air escapes through the nose; with hyponasality not enough air gets out the nose ("Cleft Palate Repair, Pediatric Ear Nose and Throat 3"). If the child has nasal voice quality, it is possible that he/she could produce the nasal sounds correctly, just through the nose instead of the mouth. Nasal air emission is the actual escaping of the air through the nose. This can actually be heard with the ear and felt with the hand. Glottal sound substitutions happen when the child learns a different way to produce the nasal sounds. This may be easier for the child, but it is harder for a listener to understand. Cleftspeech.com says, “Since the child cannot control the air that comes out of his/her nose, he/she may try to 'stop' the air at the voice box (larynx) which creates a rough or breathy sound or may sound like the sound is being omitted. This type of speech pattern requires correction immediately through speech therapy. Surgery alone will not improve this type of speech pattern.” (Dixon-Wood 5)The child will have to go through intense speech therapy to correct the error and to learn the correct way to articulate the nasal sounds.

There are many causes for VPI, and it can occur in children and adults alike but is most common in children with cleft palate. Cleft palate is not visible from the outside of a child like cleft lip, which is a visual deformity of the lip. According to The Gale Encyclopedia of Childhood & Adolescence, “Cleft palate occurs when the right and left segments of the palate fail to join properly.” This separation in the hard palate prevents a tight seal from forming, therefore allowing air to escape through the nose. The Seattle Children’s Hospital Research Foundation states: “About 20% to 30% of children who have cleft palate with or without cleft lip will have persisting VPI after their palate repair.”

Other causes are submucous cleft palate, congenitally short palate or “velum,” adenoidectomy, motor speech disorders, and velo-cardio-facial syndrome. A submucous cleft palate is a type of cleft palate. “Submucous” refers to the cleft being covered by the lining, mucous membrane, of the roof of the mouth. A submucous cleft of the soft palate has to do with the lack of muscular tissue and incorrect positioning of the muscles ("Cleftline 2"). One of the effects of a submucous cleft palate is the soft palate not functioning properly. This results in the soft palate not being able to seal properly with the back of the throat, and in return causing VPI.

A congenitally short palate is simply where the soft palate is not long enough. The soft palate is too short to make contact with the back of the throat. This allows air to escape through the nose causing VPI. Adenoidectomy is a surgery to remove the adenoids, a single clump of tissue at the back of the nose. Children with cleft palate or any other syndrome associated with the palate are most at risk to develop VPI after adenoidectomy. Removing the adenoids open up the throat and allow for the air to escape through the nose. In some cases, removing the adenoids can help VPI instead of causing it.

Motor speech disorders result from damage in the brain that affect the control of muscles used for speech ("Communication Sciences and Disorders 1"). Sometimes the soft palate is affected and does not function properly, therefore causing VPI. Velo-cardio-facial syndrome (VCSF) is a genetic disorder with symptoms that are not constant and differ from individual to individual. There are a few symptoms that are common among individuals. These include; certain heart defects, effects on facial appearance, and lack of or underdeveloped thymus and parathyroid glands (“Velo-Cardio-Facial Syndrome Educational Foundation, Inc 2”). One of the features of VCSF is palatal abnormalities, such as cleft palate. These abnormalities can cause VPI.
Diagnosing VPI is not very difficult and sometimes does not require any special equipment. Listener judgment is the most important test of abnormal resonance and velopharyngeal dysfunction according to Ann Kummer. The examiner asks the child to repeat groups of sentences that contain the problem sounds. Single words are not used because they do not depict normal flowing speech. Even the most experienced examiners can have difficulty detecting the presence of nasal emission. The examiner can be more accurate by using something to amplify the sounds coming out of the nose. “A straw is the ultimate low-cost, low-tech instrument; yet, it is extremely helpful and reliable in detecting hypernasality and nasal emission. Using a bending straw, the examiner should place the short end of the straw in the child’s nostril and the other end near the examiner’s ear,” says Ann W Kummer, PhD. The examiner can also use a “Listening Tube.” This long plastic tube works exactly like the straw method. The only negative effect is that the examiner may have a hard time telling which end went in the child’s nose and which end went in the examiner’s ear. An Oral and Nasal Listener can also be used. This is a device like a stethoscope, only with a tube at the end that goes into the child’s nose. A SeeScape® can also be useful in measuring the pressure that comes out of the nose. “The SeeScape® is a commercial device with a length of tubing, attached by an L-shaped connector to a glass tube containing a Styrofoam piston. The end of the tubing is placed at the speaker’s most free-breathing nostril and the piston is viewed as the speaker repeats a speech sample containing oral pressure consonants. The lightweight piece of Styrofoam moves up with any nasal air entering the tubing” ("Velopharyngeal Assessment 12").

Fiber-optic nasopharyngoscopy is also another good way of diagnosing VPI, although it is not used in young children very often because it is invasive, and it can be hard to get the child to cooperate with the examiner. During this procedure the doctor sprays a topical numbing agent in the nose and inserts a fiber-optic scope. This scope goes down the nasal passage and is able to get a good view of the soft palate. The doctor then gets the patient to talk and say certain sounds to see how the soft palate reacts. The doctor will also be able to tell if there are any deformities or clefting of the soft palate.

X-rays are a great tool and are not as invasive as the fiber-optic nasopharyngoscopy. The child sits in front of an x-ray machine with the examiner, normally a speech pathologist, and the child is asked to make certain sounds, and then an x-ray is taken while these sounds are being produced. These x-rays can reveal adenoids, tonsils and the soft palate. The speech pathologist can tell immediately what is causing the problem and what the best course of treatment is. This information gets passed along to the doctor who makes the final say in the path of treatment.

There are three main types of treatment. Speech therapy, surgery and orthodontic prosthetics. Speech therapy is helpful in most cases and is needed no matter what path is chosen for the patient. Speech therapy helps the child learn to articulate correctly. The child plays games and repeats sayings to help him/her reach his/her goal. The frequency and length of therapy depends on the age and attention span of the child. Younger children, around the age of two, will probably only be able to tolerate a 30 minute session twice a week. Sometimes the speech pathologist can come to the home, but it will most likely cost the patient. This method may be more comfortable for the child, especially if there are other developmental problems involved. Some school systems will see children as young as two years old for speech therapy, and it is performed free of charge to the parent. Sometimes speech therapy is not enough, and the child needs a prosthetic or surgery to completely correct the problem. However, appliances and surgery alone are not enough; the child will have to continue speech therapy to learn how to speak correctly with the prosthetic or after the surgery.

A prosthetic is an artificial device that lengthens or strengthens the soft palate enabling it to function correctly and stop the leaking of air out of the nose. These appliances are similar to removable dental braces or a dental retainer. The prosthetic fits over the hard and soft palates and is anchored to the upper teeth much like a retainer. Prosthetics are most commonly used in children who are not good candidates for surgery. For example if the gap between the soft palate and the back of the throat is too large, that surgery may not be successful. These prosthetics are usually removable and can sometimes be used on a trial basis to see if surgery would be the correct route (Russell 11).

Three types of prosthetics used to treat VPI are a palatal lift, palatal speech bulb, and pharyngeal obturator. A palatal lift works in two ways. First, the palatal lift does just that; it lifts the soft palate up so it can touch the wall at the back of the throat. The second way that the palatal lift works is by positioning the soft palate so not much muscle is required to obtain closure between the soft palate and the back of the throat. This prosthetic is used in cases where there is no deformity with the soft palate, but it is too weak to move in cases of people with poor muscle function. Dr Bridgett Russell, in the department of speech Pathology and Audiology at State University of New York Fredonia, says, “Problems with this device include articulation precision after the initial positioning of the appliance and dental stress.”

Speech bulbs can be used to close off most of the gap leaving a small gap to allow the patient to breathe. The device improves closure in patient with poor movement of the soft palate. Bridgett Russell says, “Speech bulbs are recommended when surgery is not possible because of medical or anesthetic risks, or sometimes when the gap is so large that surgery is unlikely to work.”
Obturators can make up for the lack of muscle movement. Like palate lifts and speech bulbs obturators attach to the hard palate or teeth. Sometimes the patient can be weaned off of the obturator so the natural soft palate can strengthen and take over the work of the oburtrator (Biavati 9).

In cases where the soft palate is deformed or too short, surgery may be the best option. Most surgeons will not perform the operation on children younger than four, but they also do not want to wait too long from a developmental perspective. The cause of the VPI will determine which type of surgery will be used. There are seven types of surgery: pharyngeal flap procedure, palatal push-back, pharyngoplasty, augmentation pharyngoplasty, velopharyngeal sphincter reconstruction.

Pharyngeal flap procedure is the preferred method in patients with cleft palate. Schoenborn, a surgeon, was the first to come up with this procedure in 1876. “He described an inferiorly based posterior wall flap sutured to the nasal surface of the soft palate. He later modified this procedure by using a superiorly based flap when he found that an inferiorly based flap tended to contract and tether the palate downward over time, worsening the patient's VPI” (Biavati 33). Palatal push-back surgery is also used in cleft palate patients. The surgery was introduced by cleft palate surgeons Dorrance, Bransfield, and Wardrill. In this procedure the lining of the nasal passages is used to complete the incomplete or cleft palate. This procedure essentially works in lengthening the soft palate and filling in the gaps of a cleft palate (Calvin and Owsley 30). Dr Hynes introduced pharyngoplasty in 1950. This surgery serves to be most helpful for patients with circular closures and slow pharyngeal wall movement. This procedure works to make the velopharyngeal opening smaller by tightening. This helps to reduce the loss of air through the nose (Biavati 28).

Augmentation pharyngoplasty is a type of reconstructive plastic surgery and is only used in mild cases of VPI. This procedure was introduced in 1926 by Dr von Gaza. Augmentation pharngoplasty is often done after a pharyngoplasty with the creation of a flap (Shiffman 358). Fat is harvested from around the belly button area and is purified of all connective tissue and blood. This purified fat is then injected into the back of the patient’s throat, either through the mouth or through the back of the neck via the atlas, the top vertebrae. The fat then works to close up the gap by creating a lump on the back of the throat, bringing it closer to the soft palate (359). Velopharyngeal sphincter reconstruction uses free muscle implantation to reconstruct the sphincter. All surgeries are aimed to cure hypernasality and nasal emission, but speech impediments continue and require speech therapy for full recovery. After the surgery, it is normal for antibiotics to be administered along with a clear liquid diet followed by a soft food diet (Lippincott, Williams and Wilkins 720).

In short, the symptoms of VPI all have to do with air coming out the nose instead of the mouth, due to the soft palate not making contact with the back of the throat. Nasal sound substitutions, nasal voice quality, nasal air emission and glottal sound substitutions are all indicators of VPI. The cause of VPI, also called cleft speech, is most commonly cleft palate or submucous cleft palate. The patient can also have a short palate, which does not make contact with the back of the throat. An adenoidectomy can either cause or help VPI. Motor speech disorders and velo-cardio-facial syndrome can also cause VPI. The diagnosis for VPI can be as simple as listener judgment, using a straw or tube to better hear the articulations. To view the actual soft palate fiber-optic nasopharyngoscopy, ultrasounds and x-rays are used. VPI can happen in with no other apparent medical problems but is most common in those with neurological disabilities and physical deformities of the hard or soft palate. VPI is a fixable medical problem that will always require speech therapy, sometimes accompanied by prosthetics or surgery.

Works Cited

Biavati, Michael J. Velopharyngeal Insufficiency: Treatment. Web MD, 2010. Web.
.

Calvin, Howard, and John Owsley. A Lining Vomer Flap for Palate Pushback in Unilateral Cleft

Palate Repair. San Francisco: Allen Press Publishing services, 1976. 30. Print.
"Cleft Palate Foundation." Cleftline. Cleft Palate Foundation, 2006. Web.
.

"CleftSpeech.com." Velopharyngeal Insufficiency. Department of Health, Florida, n.d. Web. .

Chromosomal and Genetic Conditions. Seattle Children's Hospital, 2010. Web. .

Gall & Kagan. "Cleft Lip and Palate." The Gale Encyclopedia of Childhood & Adolescence.
Detroit, New York, Toronto, London: Gale, 1998. Print.

Kummer, Ann W. "Resonance Disorders & Velopharyngeal Dysfunction: Simple Low-Tech and
No-Tech Procedures for Evaluation and Treatment." SpeechPathology.com. N.p., 12/10/07. Web. .

Lippincott, Williams & Wilkins, First. Professional guide to diseases. 9th. Ambler, Pa: Judith A Schilling McCann, RN, MSN 2009.720. Print.

"Motor-Speech Disorders." Communication Sciences and Disorders. North Arizona University,
n.d. Web. 2006. .

" Pediatric Otolaryngology." Cleft Palate Repair, Pediatric Ear Nose and Throat. Tampa Bay

Children's Hospital, 2004. Web. .

Russell, Bridget A. Treatment of Hypernasality in Children with Down Syndrome. Department of

Speech Pathology & Audiology State University of New York Fredonia, 2006. Web. 14 Nov 2010. .

Shiffman, Melvin. Autologous Fat Transfer: Art, Science, and Clinical Practice.

Berlin: Springer
Science & Business Media, 2010. 358. Print.

Velopharyngeal Assessment. Children's Healthcare of Atlanta, 2010. Web.
.

What is Velo-cardio-facial syndrome (VCFS)?. Velo-Cardio-Facial Syndrome Educational
Foundation, Inc., 2009. Web. http://www.vcfsef.org/about_vcfs/index.html

The Life of Kenneth Earl McNertney

2010-12-08T08:19:00.000-05:00

On May 28th 1931, Kenneth Earl McNertney was born in South Fork, Pennsylvania to Hazel Yoder and Gerald McNertney. He has four half brothers and four half sisters. He is the second of the nine, being twenty years older then his youngest sibling. He had a good relationship with both his mom and step dad, Joseph Krajewski. His dad lived in Detroit, Michigan, but he talked to him frequently. Kenneth grew up in the small town of South Fork. In 1942, at the age of 11, Ken was at a farm on the back of a truck and fell off, a pitch fork followed and impelled him all the way through. When the pitch fork was pulled out of the ground Ken was still on the end of it and was pushed off. Amazingly Ken survived after a long stay in the hospital and a grim prognosis. Today he only has three small hole shaped scars on the front and the back. He attended Rockville Elementary School and Adams Township High school. At the age of 17 he joined the Navy where he worked in navigation as a quartermaster. When he was 18 years old, and still in high school, he eloped and married his high school sweetheart, Elizabeth Lucille Patterson. They kept their marriage a secret from everyone for almost a year. If the head master, also Elizabeth's father, found out about the marriage they would have been kicked out of school and not allowed to graduate. They collected benefits from the military and saved up for their first house and the belongings they would need to make a home. The family was hurt when they first heard the news, but gave Ken and Liz their full support. When he was 20 years old he was honorably discharged from the Navy upon his request. After the Navy, he worked in the coal mines for eight years, then went onto to study heating, air conditioning, and refrigeration design. When he was 26 years old, 1944, he got a job doing service work so he could gain experience in his field of expertise. On December 26th, 1951, just one month after moving into the house they still reside in, Ken and Liz gave birth to their first child, Christine McNertney. She was a home birth and her parents still own the very furniture she was born on. September 1955 Ken made a life changing decision to dedicate his life to the Lord. On August 15th 1956, Ken and Liz gave birth to their second child, Cynthia McNertney. When Ken was 39 years old, 1957, he started his own business called McNertney Heating and Air Conditioning. The business was successful and always ran in the black. Twenty-three years later, in 1980, he became the pastor of a small church. In 1986 he sold the business so he could dedicate his time to being a pastor. On April 2nd 2002, Ken suffered his first major heart attack and was technically dead for several minutes. On April 30th 2002, he suffered his second major heart attack. Both heart attacks should have killed him, but he survived. After he recovered from the heart attacks he was unable to return to pastoring and he entered retirement. Ken enjoys retirement, he says, “I hate to say that I am old enough to be retired, but we all get to that point”

The first major event that changed Ken was the military. Ken said that the military made him mature rapidly, he had to think and make decisions as an adult. He was a quartermaster in the navy; he had a lot of responsibility on him and lot of pressure not to make mistakes, he had to make the decisions correctly or there could be a disastrous outcome. Right before his discharge from the Navy, men on his crew did not do their job properly and several ships almost crashed and sunk, thousand of lives were at sake. It was a close call, but was caught in time and prevented. Ken got blamed for this near accident because he was in charge of after steering. After this incident he requested to be honorably discharged from the navy. He said that the close call changed him, it made him more careful. To this day he double checks multiple times so he doesn't make any mistakes. The second event that changed Ken was getting married and having a family. This made him question if he could raise children, take care of them, and support them. The third event that changed Ken was owning his own business. This made him responsible for everything he did because he had to do it right to become successful. The fourth event that changed Ken was being a pastor. This made him mature because he was listening to other people's problems, helping them, advising them and was responsible for presenting the gospel to bring them to Christ. The fifth event that changed Ken was his heart attacks. They changed him more physically then mentally. After the heart attacks his activities changed, he was not able to be as active as he once was. The lack of oxygen to his brain while his heart was stopped effected his short term memory. Before his heart attacks he went fishing frequently, but has not been in the last two years. Ken and his wife also enjoyed traveling in the RV they owned, but after the heart attacks they were forced to sell the RV.

He says that the Lord touched his life at 71 and gave him extra years. The Lord has been very good to him and is a huge part of his life. He attends church regularly with his wife and credits the Lord for the good that has happened to him and blessing him with life after his heart attacks. He describes himself as being in relatively good heath despite his heart attacks. He has normal problems that come with age and the after affects of a heart attack. His biggest complaint about his mental health is his problems remembering people's names. He struggles with blood clots, bad hearing, and lost a kidney due to medications he is on for his heart. He eats low fat and low sodium foods and enjoys eating fruit and veggies. He says he does some exercise, but very little according to his wife. He occasionally walks to the post office when the weather is nice, enjoys walking the mall, and walks up and down the stairs in their three story home.

Today Ken resides in Saint Michael, Pennsylvania with his wife of 62 years. They both have lived a full and happy life and say it has been normal. Ken and Liz are blessed to have 7 grandchildren, ages 23 to 31, and 12 great grandchildren, ages 9 years to 8 months, with one due in May 2011. They have many friends in the small town they have lived in for 60 years. They enjoy spending time with their family and enjoy retirement.

Tell-Tale Heart - Literary Analaysis

2010-11-01T23:35:00.000-04:00

Tell-Tale Heart – Literary Analysis

The “Tell-Tale Heart” by Edgar Allan Poe is a literary master piece. The narrator's use of dark, ominous words to plead his own sanity while in turn admitting his guilt to a horrendous, premeditated murder is brilliant. The story begins in the middle of a conversation between the narrator and an unknown person. The narrator claims to have a disease that sharpened his sense of hearing, and made his hearing acute. In the first paragraph, the narrator states: “I heard all things in the heaven and in the earth. I heard many things in hell. How then am I mad?” The narrator blames his disease for the murder, not his sanity or lack thereof.

The narrator admits to being obsessed over the premeditated murder of the old man. This is evident in the second paragraph, which says; “It is impossible to say how first the idea entered my brain, but, once conceived, it haunted me day and night.” The narrator uses this obsession to plead for his sanity. He uses his premeditation as a defense for not being mad. This is seen in the third paragraph where the narrator says, “Now this is the point. You fancy me mad. Madmen know nothing. But you should have seen me. You should have seen how wisely I proceeded -- with what caution -- with what foresight, with what dissimulation, I went to work! I was never kinder to the old man than during the whole week before I killed him.”

The narrator goes on to explain how calmly he was able to plan out the murder. The narrator describes the seven days before the murder and the cautiousness he took in the planning of the murder. The narrator describes himself as wise and with stealth. This is his defense for his sanity. The defense for sanity just proves how insane he was. He stalks the old man at night, and during the day the narrator is kind to the old man acting as if nothing is wrong.

The eighth night is when the murder happens. The narrator makes clear that this is premeditated by taking over a week for the event to happen. He claims that he was never saner than on the eighth night. This is evident in the fourth paragraph where he says, “Never before that night had I felt the extent of my own powers, of my sagacity.” Then he says, “I could scarcely contain my feelings of triumph.” The narrator is obviously happy and overjoyed with the progress he is making towards the murder. Up until this night he is unable to commit the deed because he had not seen the vulture eye. This fact makes clear that the narrator's obsession to kill the old man has everything to do with the eye and nothing to do with the old man himself.

Finally it happens, a stream of light falls upon the vulture eye. The narrator reinforces his motive for killing the old man by saying, “It was open, wide, wide open, and I grew furious as I gazed upon it. I saw it with perfect distinctness -- all a dull blue with a hideous veil over it that chilled the very marrow in my bones, but I could see nothing else of the old man's face or person, for I had directed the ray as if by instinct precisely upon the damned spot.” This heightens the narrator's senses, and he states: “And now have I not told you that what you mistake for madness is but over-acuteness of the senses? Now, I say, there came to my ears a low, dull, quick sound, such as a watch makes when enveloped in cotton. I knew that sound well too. It was the beating of the old man's heart. It increased my fury as the beating of a drum stimulates the soldier into courage.” Not only is the eye haunting the narrator, but now the old man's heartbeat is adding to the rage the narrator feels and heightens the need for the murder of the old man. The narrator says “It was the beating of the old man's heart. It increased my fury as the beating of a drum stimulates the soldier into courage.” The beating of the heart increased the narrator's adrenaline and leads to the imminent murder of the old man.

The narrator explains the murder and the calmness and patience he has while waiting for the old man to die. This just enforces the fact that the narrator is insane; it does not prove his sanity. The narrator uses repetition to say that the old man was dead. “Yes, he was stone, stone dead. I placed my hand upon the heart and held it there many minutes. There was no pulsation. He was stone dead.” The narrator shows that he wants to make sure that the old man is dead.

The story does not end with the murder. The narrator goes on to prove his sanity by telling how calmly he dismembers the body and hides it in the floor boards. The calmness in covering up the murder once again proves insanity.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. The police have come. The introduction of new characters adds another dimension to the story. Up until now, the narrator stays calm when it is just him and the old man, but now there are others observing the narrator's behavior. At first the narrator manages to stay calm. He even states: “My MANNER had convinced them. I was singularly at ease.” Just when it looks like he is going to get away with murder, he starts hearing something. The sound is the old man's heart. This had pushed him to insanity before, and it does it once again. He cannot stand the beating of the old man's heart. Up until this point, the narrator has maintained his calmness. His paranoia gets the best of him and he shouts out, “dissemble no more! I admit the deed! -- tear up the planks! -- here, here! -- it is the beating of his hideous heart!" He confesses to a murder that he would have gotten away with.

Throughout the story the narrator maintains his sanity and defends it by saying how calmly he is able to plan, carry out, and conceal the murder. This only makes him look more insane. Only madmen would have no compassion for another human being and be happy with ending a life. The very thing that the narrator thought proves his sanity serves to prove his immense guilt and insanity.

The Most Hated Family in America

2010-10-12T16:32:00.001-04:00

On November 27th 1955, in Topeka, Kansas, Westboro Baptist Church held their first service, under founder Fred Phelps. Westboro Baptist Church is a hate group masquerading as a church, according to the Southern Poverty Law Center. Westboro have adapted the Primitive Baptist and Calvinist ways of belief but are rejected by both religions. Westboro Baptist Church is not affiliated with any known church conventions or associations. The church has under 100 members and is 80 percent family, according to Shirley Phelps-Roper, daughter of Fred Phelps. She also states that only the Westboro Church is going to heaven, and everyone else is going to hell. The church is known for protesting and picketing at funerals, desecrating the American flag, and their hate for homosexuals. According to the church's website, www.godhatesfags.com, the church has conducted 44,292 pickets and have visited 793 cities. The church spends over $200,000 a year for travel and picketing, states BBC’s Louis Theroux.

The Westboro Baptist Church is most commonly known for picketing at funerals. The church have picketed funerals of fallen soldiers, including Carrie French from Boise, Idaho, Edward Myers from St Joseph, Missouri, and Matthew Snyder of Maryland. Some of the signs that they use include, "Thank God for Dead Soldiers," "God Hates Fags," and "You're Going to Hell." Westboro has also picketed at Heath Ledger's, Michael Jackson's, and Jerry Falwell's funerals. Shirley Phelps-Roper says that Westboro is doing the will of God, and because of the gays in the military and the lack of stance against gays America is doomed to die.

In the documentary The Most Hated Family in America , Louis Theroux lives with the Phelps family for three weeks trying to see their point of view and how they live. Several of the followers made statements like, “Thank God for 9/11,” “Thank God for Dead Soldiers,” and “God Hates You.” Louis interviewed Steve Drain, a former documentary film maker who interviewed Shirley Phelps-Roper in 2000. A few weeks later, Steve was a member of the Westboro church hate group. When asked about rejoicing over 9/11, Steve said, “We are to rejoice over all of God's judgments.” Steve said that he “loves” when people are hit by cars and killed by cancer because this is God's judgment. Wesstboro Church believes that they are the only ones going to heaven, and every other church, religion, and person that is not part of their church is going to burn in hell. Louis discovered that even the youngest of the children were out on the picket lines, quoting their parents. These children are put in harm's way and sometimes get hurt, but their parents see it as part of God's plan and encourage their children to take place in the protests. Louis also concluded that the same hate the Westboro Church preaches about comes right back to them. They live in a very “cut-off” world where there is very little trust in anyone outside of their community and the Phelps kids who go to public school are hated. Phelps-Roper states that her kids are in the school system to make a statement for God. She also does not condone her children dating in any form because this is not God's will for her kids.

The views of the Westboro Church are extremely clouded and skewed. The Bible does not teach that God hates the world, but that He loves it. John 3:16-17 says, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” God is a loving God who wishes that all could go to heaven, if they believe; the Bible says nothing about spreading hate around the world to get to heaven. Disagreeing with homosexuals and the sins of the world is one thing, but disrespectfully and disruptively displaying acts of disapproval at funerals is another. There is a time and place for everything and a tactful way of doing it. The families of the deceased have a right to morn the loss of their loved one in peace. Respect should be given to these people. The purpose of most churches is to win lost souls to Jesus, but Phelps-Roper says this about the churches protests: “You think our job is to win souls to Christ. All we do, by getting in their face and putting these signs in front of them and these plain words, is make what's already in their heart come out of their mouth.” Clearly it is not Westboro's mission to spread the love of God and His message but to make people hate them in the name of God.

I Got a Free Smoothie

2010-10-07T12:09:00.000-04:00

OK, so that has absolutely nothing to do with this post, but it was yummy.

I have depression, so it is not a big secret. I have suffered with it and overcome it. I have used, God,diet, exercise, therapy, family support and yes medications. It has taken all of these things to overcome it. I am a Christian, a Bible believing God fearing Christian and yes, I still suffer from severe depression.

People who have no idea are so quick to judge and tell you that it is all in your head and that it is a matter of reading your Bible and praying more. What these people don't know is that when you are suffering true depression, it makes it so hard to have that personal relationship with God. You feel so alone and disconnected from everybody and everything.

I just do not like being told that my depression is in my head and I need to take myself of my medication because there is no such thing as a chemical imbalance. I am sorry, but I trust my Drs who have been to many years of medical school.

I am told, by some people, that my meds are what is causing my chronic back pain and that if I just went off of them everything would be better... Yeah right, I would end up in the hospital. I have been there before and most definitely will not go back.

So hallelujah, Lord be praised...

2010-09-25T09:15:00.000-04:00

It's just one of those days... Well, weeks I guess.

Life has been so crazy since Wednesday. The swelling in Matt's ankle is getting worse, even with ice and elevation, so we went to Urgent Care again last night and they took more x-rays and checked it out. We got a referral to an orthopedic surgeon and the x-rays, so we are headed in the right direction.

Grace got a bad report from school yesterday. It was really bad. The teacher walked her out to the car and said, "I just had to walk her to the car, because she has been so bad today." Of course that was accompanied by a note describing all the wonderful thing my daughter had done that day. I am not going into to detail, lets just say that Grace is experiencing her first real grounding. She is also band from Pop Tarts because she keeps blaming them for her bad behaviour.

My back it still giving me troubles, but I have to keep going. Too much to do and I am the one to do it. I guess the main thing to do is look to God. I know that He will give me strength, but sometimes it is hard to remember. Especially when you are stressed out, overwhelmed and at your wits end. Sometimes we just have to praise God for what he has done and then laugh at what life has thrown our way. After all feeling sorry for ourselves does no good for anyone.

Just One of Those Days

2010-09-22T16:18:00.000-04:00

Today started out normal enough. The same old thing we do every morning. Up, shower, dress, tend to Logan who woke at 4:30am, get Grace ready for school and that is when it took a turn for the worse.

The kids really wanted Matt to come with us to drop Grace off at school, so I beckoned him to the car. On the way down the deck stairs he stumbled and hurt his ankle. Instead of going to class and turning in my paper on the meteor strike, we were off to Urgent Care.

Logan was really good while we were there. He got a little restless near the end, but overall did good. We were there from 8:30am to 11am. The nurse practitioner thinks that he has some stress fractures. it is resting for Matt. He is in quite a bit of pain right now and the Urgent Care did not even give him pain killers. I have called Urgent Care to see if there is anything that they can do about that. Still waiting...

On the way back from the Dr we stopped by the college and dropped off my paper so that it would not be late. The teacher was very understanding. I then talked to my psychology teacher and she said that family comes first. Hopefully I did not miss anything too important.

The kids have been off the wall crazy today and my back is acting up, so that does not help anything. I am looking forward to m y Chiropractor's appointment tomorrow. Hopefully Dr Hill will be able to get me out of this discomfort.

Kids Say the Darndest Things

2010-09-21T16:39:00.001-04:00

Until recently it was just Grace that said the adorable cute things, now Logan has started.

On Saturday morning he told me he wanted to be a Pirate Pig when he grows up.

The other day we were at the grocery store and Grace was acting up and Logan looked at her and said, "Now you listen up here missy"

I love how Grace asks me how my school work is going. "So how's your homework," she will say.

This is my Haiku

2010-09-21T16:26:00.001-04:00

Sounds of laughter ring
Throughout the morning silence
Makes me feel alive.

Meteor Strikes: Who Will Stay?

2010-09-21T09:40:00.000-04:00

A meteor strikes earth and is thought to wipe out all of the human race. The only people thought to be alive are 15 people on the space station. The earth is covered with a blanket of thick dust and smoke, so the surface of earth cannot be seen. It is estimated that it will take 6 months for the dust to settle; however, there is only 2 months worth of oxygen and supplies on board for the 15 people to survive. If 9 people sacrifice themselves there will be enough oxygen and supplies for the remaining 6 people to live for the full 6 months. Who will stay and who will go? Why will they stay and what is the benefit of them staying?

Here is the list of people to chose from:

The first person chosen to live is Rahim. He is a 38 year old pilot and is very admired in the Iranian air force. The fact that he is a pilot is what makes him the number one choice. After all, a pilot is a necessity in flying a plane or space craft. Once the survivors get back on earth Rahim will be able to fly people around the world to check out the damage. He has fathered five children so it is obvious that he is capable of reproducing.

The second person chosen to live is Natasha. She is the youngest at the age of 27. Her age is definitely a factor in deciding that she gets to stay. Another factor is she is a computer expert. Her expertise will be very helpful both on the space station and once the survivors return to earth. Natasha will be able to help rebuild the human population from a technical prospective. Natasha will also be able to continue doing experiments and learning new things that may help the future human race. However; she had a miscarriage four years ago, but this should not influence her staying. It is not uncommon for a women to have a single miscarriage and then be able to have a normal healthy pregnancy.

The third person chosen to live is Caroline. She is a 31 year old co-pilot. This will come in handy if something happens to the pilot or he gets sick and is unable to preform his duties. She has received an experimental surgery on her eyes, but that should not effect her abilities. The surgery was good enough to get her into the program so that should suffice. Caroline is also one of the younger women and will be a good candidate for bearing children.

The fourth person chosen to live is Jorge. He is a 29 year old astrophysicist. Jorge is the youngest male on the space station; his age is the biggest deciding factor. Jorge also has no medical problems and is in good condition; however, he needs to be motivated to exercise and do manual labor when the space ship returns to earth. Jorge's expertise in studying deep space quasars will come in handy while in space. Because of his studies, he may be able to discover new things out in space. Jorge's expertise could also come in handy in helping the crew decide when to return to earth. A lot can be learned from the stars, like navigation, time, weather and season. This will also be very useful once starting a new life on earth.

The fifth person chosen to live is Angelo. He is 43 years old and working on developing a map of deep outer space. This could come in handy while in space, but the most positive aspect in keeping Angelo is the fact that he grew up on a farm, helping to grow the food that fed the family. His family is poor so he has good knowledge of living with little. In addition he is in good heath and his parents are still living and they still live and work on the family farm. That shows that he was raised with a good worth ethic.

The sixth and final person chosen to live is Sumiyo. She is a 48 year old physician. The fact that she is 48 definitely goes against her, but she is excellent health and is a Doctor. Sumiyo would already be familiar with the other crew members since she came to the space station to experiment on them. Knowing her patients will help Sumiyo work more effectively and efficiently with each patient.

While it is hard to decide who goes and who stays. Looking at the benefits and age of each crew member is critical in making a choice like this. In the end Rahim, Natasha, Caroline, Jorge, Angelo and Sumiyo seem like the best candidates when it comes down to rebuilding the earth again. The expertise of each of these people will benefit the crew and the future of the human race. Unfortunately, the nine that have to be sacrificed are as follows: Michelle, Addrienne, Alexandra, Sergei, Max, Hiro, Kerry, Steven and Dimitri. The deciding factors for these people include health, age and area of expertise.

Back Again.

2010-09-21T09:36:00.001-04:00

So here I am, sitting, typing, not doing what should be doing. I have been wanting to start my blog back up again, but do not have a whole lot of time these days; however I would like to try. I also want to try putting my papers from college on here to try to get some input from everyone, so feel free to be critical.

Pause It!

2009-08-18T15:50:00.001-04:00

Those are words that my daughter knows all too well. Every time she is watching TV, she just asks for us to "pause" it when she has something to do. We have a DVR, so we can pause anything. I always find it amusing when we are not at home and she will ask to pause someone's TV who doesn't have a DVR. She is always confused to why she can't do it. Anyways, yesterday we were making dinner together. Grace cut up some carrots with a kid safe knife, then helped me by stirring the frying pan. All the sudden she stop and said, "I gotta potty! Pause it". I tried explaining to her as quickly as possible that it just didn't work that way and she would have to go and the frying pan would be there when she got back. Ah, the things are little ones are growing up with.

I Can't Believe It!

2009-08-18T15:36:00.000-04:00

Life is flying by way too fast. It is like I have blinked my eyes and we are where we are. My little girl is starting "Big Girl" school tomorrow. She is so excited. I just can't believe that she is old enough for school! Granted it is pre-k, but school non-the-less.

My little boy is now potty trained. It was actually way easier then training Grace. That was a chore and a half. people told me that boys are harder then girls. My thinking was, "Lord help me. if it gets harder then this." Praise the Lord that people were wrong!

Monday will start my new adventure. My adventure to better myself with an education. I am starting school. I am currently enrolled in the RN program. I am taking Algebra I and Biology 101. It is going to be fun, hard, exciting and nerve racking, all rolled into one. It is going to be a difficult journey, but well worth it.

Be Still and Know that I am God.

2009-07-23T14:20:00.000-04:00

These are words that have been repeating themselves to me over and over again thanks to a goof friend of mine. Yup, you know who you are. ;-) Anyways, it has got me to thinking about life lately. I recently put my back out and I had no choice but to be still. Finances haven't been all that great lately, but you know what, I can already see the good that is coming out of it. I am having my devotions, reading parenting books, spending more time with the kids and having more time to think and pray.

I think that sometimes we get on the crazy train of life, you know the one, the express train to stress, yup that would be the one. We get so caught up in life and the good and bad things that are happening that we truly don't take time to, "Be Still and know that I am God". I didn't even think about this until the other day when that text message came from my friend. It really put a lot of what has been going on lately into perspective for me and now that song constantly streams its way through my mind every time life gets a little hectic or something goes wrong.

Thanks Cara!

What a weekend!

2009-07-06T19:25:00.001-04:00

Another weekend has come and gone and left the entire family completely exhausted. We had so much fun, but it was so tiring! We went camping in Boone, NC with Matt's family.

The first night it got down to 46, so it was a little colder then we had expected, the other two nights were not bad at all. Friday we went to Tweetsie Railroad. The kids had so much fun, Grace wanted to go back. Saturday we went to Grand Father Mountain. The view was awesome!

I seemed to have picked up some bronchitis and Matt a stomach thing and his hip pain is back with a vengeance. I am feeling better now, Matt is on and off. This just makes us want a camper even more!

Gracie Cheesing for the camera at Tweetsie.

Mommy forcing Logan into a picture.

Elijah and tackling his uncle Matt.

Nana and Papa.

Daddy and Logan.

The breath taking views from grandfather mountain and the mile high swinging bridge that we all crossed.

What a Friday!

2009-06-20T09:57:00.000-04:00

Friday was a busy day. I only had one house to clean, but I kept myself busy. Cleaned Sarah's house, mowed the yard, did the weed eating, cleaned my house, shampooed the carpet, picked the kids up from school and then went to watch "Admit One", the band Matt is in, play at this coffee house thing. Over all it went good. The end of the day just left me feeling exhausted. By the time Matt got home I was already asleep in bed.

Work Wanted!

2009-06-17T19:38:00.000-04:00

That's me. Due to various reasons I haven't had much work lately and I am so looking for more houses to clean. I didn't realize until recently how much working has meant to me. I enjoy bringing home some bacon, well scraps of bacon. I have put another add on Craigs List and I am running one this weekend in the paper. I also hope to get some word of mouth going too. Only time will tell!

One Giant Step!

2009-06-16T10:54:00.001-04:00

Logan had a big boy break through today and pee peed on the potty, 4 times! So far he has been much easier then Grace, who we are still working with. He is so laid back and easy going about the whole thing. Hopefully he will do good at daycare tomorrow. They said that they would work with him when Logan and I were ready and he is definitely ready!

Rain, Rain Go Away!

2009-06-16T08:10:00.000-04:00

The swing dancing was a blast. I had so much fun and so did Matthew, we can't wait to go again. It took a little bit for us both to get the hang of things, but with the lesson and the help of Joey and Crystal we got some basic moves down.

Ugh! More rain. It rained all through the night and still pouring down this morning. Grace's field trip for today has been canceled so I have decided not to take them in today, but tomorrow. She is going to go to Chuck E Cheese tomorrow, so she will love that, I am so glad that I called and found that out. She is gooing to have a blast.

Another weekend...

2009-06-13T13:28:00.000-04:00

is here and passing by quickly. I have already mowed the grass and went grocery shopping. Matt's hip is acting up again and I didn't want him to push it because we are suppose to be going swing dancing tonight. That's right, me swing dancing! It should be loads of fun. Something new is always good. My mom doesn't seem to think that i have the coordination for it. Well, actually I have my doubts. I once almost fell on my face doing the electric slide at a work party once. I just couldn't get that one down. I did line/square dance as a kid so we shall see.

Aldis. That is where I went grocery shopping. I LOVE that place. You really can't beat it. I got two weeks worth of groceries plus some extras for $150 and that includes fresh fruits and veggies. Really can't beat that. It always makes me happy when we save money on groceries.

She Did it!

2009-06-11T19:57:00.000-04:00

My baby girl got into the pre-k4 program at the local Elementary school! I am so proud of her! She will be starting in September. I can't wait to meet the teacher and to be involved as a parent. I can't believe my baby girl is going to start "real" school in September. It an actual every day thing! **sigh** She is growing up way to fast.

Posts to remember from Vox

2009-06-11T14:44:00.000-04:00

"Gracie Says the Darnedest Things"

Sep 25th 2007
Grace has really started talking and I want to remember the things she says, so I am going to start blogging them. Last night we went to Wal-Mart and we were getting ready to get into the car and Gracie looked up and saw the moon that was just about full and asked, "Mama, what's that?" I told her that it was the moon. She started to flap her arms and said, "It's flying" and Matt proceeded to tell her that it wasn't flying and it just stays up there. She then reached out her little arm and said, "It's high".

Jan 8th 2008
We were in the car coming back from my grandparents house in PA. Matthew and I smelt an awful smell and looked back at Grace and said, "Did you stinky?" She said, "No, I had gas." "Are you sure?" we asked. "Yes, I had gas, stuse me." Then she laughed. What a little lady I have.

Grace has finally started calling herself Grace instead of sunshine. It Comes out more like Drace, then Grace, but is recognizable. This has also resulted in her talking about herself in third person. "Daddy play with Drace" or "Mommy Drace is tired." We we showing her videos of herself on TV and she started saying "I want to watch Drace on TV"

Aug 26th, 2008
The other day Gracie stayed at her Nanna's house all night long, which was actually great for all of us, but that is a different story. Anyways, after her nanna left she came up to me and said, "I lobed staying nanna's, but I missed you, I want kisses." She kissed me and said, "I need more kisses!"

The other day Gracie got in trouble for hitting her brother repeatedly on the head with her play phone. So, she was sitting in timeout. I told her, "hands were not for hitting, they are for loving and hugging". She looked down at the floor, then looked up at me and said, "can I use my hands to hug Lolo?"

This morning I was in the bedroom cleaning the bathroom and I heard Grace say, "Mommy, my tummy is hugy(hungry), it needs food." So I asked her, "what does your tummy want?" She said, "my tummy wants cereal"

Aug 30th 2008
Today while we were out and about my daughter had to go potty and so did I. So off we went. She went into a stall and I told her that we would share. She said, "Mommy, I don't want to see your naked butt", I said that's OK Gracie, she said, "well, I don't want you to see my naked butt". On the way back from the bathroom Grace said, "mommy I want toys" and I said no, she said, "but mommy, toys will make me happy."

"The Great Peanut butter Massacre and Splish Splash"

Jan 23rd, 2008

Grace had made herself a peanut butter sandwich, which was fine, but she took it back to her room, which was not fine. She decided to leave it back there and come out here. The next thing I know I see Logan crawling up me, I look down at him and he has peanut butter all over his face, body and hands. He looks up at me and squeals with excitement. I start to clean him up and he is still clutching a squished piece of bread as I try to pry it our of his chubby little fingers while he cries. I look down the hall and I see his masterwork. It was the great peanut butter sandwich massacre. There was peanut butter on the end table, the wall, Grace's door, her tea table, the table with her train on it, her toy chest and the floor of her room. In addition to that there was mushed up pieces of peanut butter bread all down the hall and all over Grace's room.

So I cleaned that all up and decided to "try" to rest. I saw Grace sitting outside of the bathroom door. I asked her where Logan was. She said that he was in the bathroom, she had shut him in there. So I get up to rescue my son. When I get into the bathroom, he is playing in the water in Grace's potty chair, as happy as he could be. It is all over him. So I had to sanitize him and change him completely. In amongst all that, Grace decides that it is time to pee pee on the potty.

"Gottcha Boobs"

Dec 15th, 2008

Yup, those are the words that came out of my almost 4 year olds mouth. Let me go back a bit.

My husband was preforming in a band at a church on Friday night. It was called "a Christmas Worship Project" and it was pretty awesome. Anyways, before it started Grace was sitting there talking with a teenager from another church. They were playing the "gotcha nose" game. Grace started saying, gotcha arms, gotcha hands and so on. Finally, she reached out her two little hands and said, "Gotcha boobs!" Oh my word, I wanted to die. I think that it made it worse that we were in a church. I said, "Oh my word, did she just say what I thought she said?" The girl and her boyfriend were both blushing and laughing and shook their heads yes. "I am so sorry" I kept saying. Ah, kids will be kids and embarrassed you I guess. The girl, Megan, really didn't seem to mind and kept telling me and everyone else there how freaking cute and adorable Grace was, so I guess the impact wasn't all that bad.

A Fresh Start

2009-06-11T14:18:00.000-04:00

Yup, that is what this is. My other blog was filled of negativity and my past. This is a fresh start for me. My depression is doing better, so I can put that behind me and God has really blessed us lately. I will move some of the stories about my kids over, but that is it.

Life is going pretty good these days and the kids are growing like weeds on miracle grow. We now have a dog, Matilda, who the kids absolutely love. She is mostly good, just has a good chunk of beagle in her that makes her like to bark and howl at sirens.

The kids are going to school (daycare) 2 days a week and I am cleaning houses. I actually love it. I am my own boss and the work is very flexible. I am just amazed at how attached people seem to get to their cleaning lady. I am still getting used to walking into empty houses, cleaning them, taking money off the counter and leaving. Just something unnerving about that.

I believe that is all for now, there is more to follow, including pictures of my wonderful kids and of course, Tilley!