Rain Drops on Roses and Whiskers on Kittens...

Most of you who know me know that I have a list of things I don't like:

• Christmas
• Christmas Music
• Weddings
• Summer
• Winter
• Spring
• Fake People
• Not Saying What You Mean
• Not Meaning What You Say
• Perfume
• Cats and Kittens
• Dresses and Skirts
• My Birthday
• Pepsi
• Airports
• People Who Try Too Hard

I talk about these, but hardly mention those things that I like. Some of it may not be traditional stuff, but it's me.

• Christmas Movies
• Eloping
• Fall or any weather between 60-70
• Being Who You Are
• Saying What You Mean
• Meaning What You Say
• The Absence of Fragrance
• Dogs, Frogs, And Puppies
• Pants, I Love Pants
• Cleaning
• Being Comfortable
• Watching People, but Not in a Stalkerish Way
• Savoring the Quiet and doing absolutely Nothing for a Few Minutes
• Listening to My Kids Laugh
• Listening to My Son Talk Legibly
• Listening to Matthew Play Keyboard
• Watching Matthew Pick out a Song on Keyboard
• Snickers
• Word Games
• Memories, Even the Bad Ones
• The Simple Joy of Accomplishing a Task
• Watching My Kids Grow Up
• Singing Praise Songs
• Being Right ;-)
• A Hot Shower
• The smell of cinnamon
• My Brothers and Sisters
• My Parents Both Biological and the Ones I Married Into
• My Butt
• Ambition
• Success After Failure
• Working Hard for What You Want
• How My Son ALWAYS Smells Like Chocolate
• How My Daughter Overflows with Creativity
• People you can Count On
• The Joy and Comfort of My Salvation
• Coke and Sun Drop
• Cooking
• Black, Black Clothes, Black Eye shadow, just the Color Black

The like list is far longer than the unlike list. I just don't like to humanize myself I guess, makes me less vulnerable. When it all comes down to it, whiskers on kittens and warm woolen mittens, just don't do it for me. I maintain that cats are the devils minions and woolen mittens would just be plain itchy, anyways I may not enjoy some of the cliche things in life, but despite popular belief there are things that I enjoy, my "happy" thoughts if you may.

Christmas Once Again

Tuesday came and went and it is with great pride and joy that I can say that I passed the HESI. I am how ever saddened that a few of my classmates did not. I want them all to make, every single one of them. next semester would not be the same. I have great confidence in all of them. They know this stuff, we all do really. I still don't get the HESI, it doesn't seem to test nursing knowledge as much as it does test taking strategies. I know that there is a method to the madness just as there is some reason that some still have this dumb HESI hanging over their heads.

Christmas day is approaching fast and I have mixed emotions about this crazy season as always. I know that it is supposed to be a happy time of year, but it is not always so. Tomorrow marks the anniversary of the death of my very best friend. It was a very long time ago and I was just a child, but I will always remember that day and the days to follow. I hold a special place in my heart for his family still and after all these years still have the picture his mother gave me after he died. I remember first hearing the news, I remember the first time I saw his mother after his death and the first words she said to me. She said, "Jennifer, we are going to get through this, God has a reason." It is amazing how after 22 years my memories of those days are so vivid yet I can barley remember what happened yesterday. I remember Christmas eve for it was the day of the funeral, other than that it is a blur. I remember parts for Christmas day, but the only thing I really remember was my friend's brother's coming over and giving my brother and I each a gift they had bought for my friend. My brother got a race track and I got a little boom box. I also remember that I had gotten this bed tent and I would just lay in it and listen to music on the boom box and cry. One point my friend's brother came in, not sure how long after or when exactly, but he knelt by my bed and prayed and told me we would get through this and he knew it wasn't fair.

That holds true, life isn't fair and down right sucks at times, but such is life. Each and every experience molds us into the individuals we are. Weather it is not passing the HESI on the first chance, or developing an admonitory for the holidays when you are 10, the principle is still the same. I am going to remember tomorrow in honor of my friend and the witness he was at such a young age. A friend of his came to Jesus through his death. Just an example of God's perfect plan in action. Tomorrow I will make new memories, especially ones with my children, after all my son Logan is named after that friend I lost so many years ago.

Another Clinical

I was excited to experience the “other side” of Stanley Town Healthcare. I was interested in being able to compare and contrast the two sides. The morning started out pretty much the same with waking the patients, getting out their food trays, and assisting with baths. The first thing that I noticed was the CNAs on the rehab side were all older than me, whereas the CNAs on the long term side were mostly younger than me. The attitude on the rehab side was different and dare I say a little more cheerful. The CNAs seemed to enjoy their job more and really connected with their patients more. The patients were in better spirits and were more coherent for the most part. I guess that the prospective of a “going home” date lift the spirits and gives hope to the patient, that and a lot of these patients were younger than the ones in long term. I liked my CNA, she had been there for 8 years and you could tell that she really loved the patients. Liz and I both got to work with the same CNA. I enjoyed working with both of them. Our first mission was to wake the patient’s and hand out breakfast trays.
The first experience I want to talk about is with a long term client, even though we were on the rehab side this is where she lived. I am not sure why she was on rehab, but it may have had something to do with her CNA. They obviously had a connection with each other and the patient did so much better with this particular CNA. The CNA said that she had been this patient’s CNA since she started working there. The patient was admitted more than 8 years ago and was walking and talking back then and slowly deteriorated to being bed ridden, not able to talk and barley able to move. Our assigned CNA asked us to give this particular patient a bed bath. She warned us that it wasn’t going to be pleasant. Liz and I started bathing the patient; she was stiff and turned in a partial fetal position facing away from the window and towards the door. The warm wet wash cloth touched the patient’s skin and the crying and moaning started. We gently talked to her and I tried to talk about what was on TV and the upcoming holiday season to no avail. My heart cried out for her and I wondered if even our gentle touch was causing her pain. We finished her bath, dressed her, and changed her diaper. We also had the pleasure of putting on her compression stockings, which led to be somewhat more difficult than the patient I had done earlier. With the help of our CNA we used the geri-lift to put the patient on a geri-chair. No one else could get this patient to eat, so our CNA sat down and fed her and she ate a container of yogurt and half a container of applesauce. The CNA’s love and compassion shone through in both herself and the patient.
The second experience I want to talk about is giving a bubble bath. All be it a simple task it is somewhat different at Stanley Health care. This patient had spinal surgery in September and was aiming to go home the following Monday. She had an appointment at Baptist and was getting ready to make the long haul. Bath time came and off we went to the bathing room. There is a door on the side of the tub so the patient and easily get in. We were advised to make sure that we always remember to lock the door or we would flood the bathroom. There was a shower head that could be used in conjunction with the tub so it made washing the hair and rinsing the patient easier. The patient got in and was in sitting position and the tub tilted back so it was more of a semi-fowlers position. The patient bathed herself with help with her back and hair. We helped her dry off and get dressed, then on to her room to put makeup on and fix her hair.
The third and final experience is something that I found rather intriguing and the patient was just as intriguing and very nice and informative. Jessica and I were answering a call bell and a patient with recent knee replacement surgery called us over to help him out. He told us he was going to show us something we may not have seen before. He called it “revolutionary,” but I am not sure if I would go that far. What he had was a large insulated drink thermos with a tube coming out the bottom. He asked me to fill it with ice and water, and then he would show me how to hook it up. I filled his request and headed back to the patient’s room. He had me connect the tube to this “pack” with a hole in it and squeeze the water out and up the tube. He wanted to show off his incision that had just been unwrapped earlier that morning. That being done he pulled the compression stocking up and over his knee and he put on the ice pack and asked me to hold the thermos high and feel as the cold water flowed in. I was happy to have such a nice and informative man to help out.
I found that we were doing more than just bathing and feeding. I also got to know more of the patients and hear some interesting stories. I also observed the rehab room which I found fascinating. There was cooking, cutting play dough, making necklaces, walking around cones, and a balance machine that drew on a screen with movement. All in all I enjoyed being on the rehab side and enjoyed it more than the long term side.

First Clinical

I was both excited and nervous for my first clinical experience. The alarm clock went off at 4:45am and too my surprise I had little trouble waking up that morning. The day proved to be a long day, but I am no stranger to working my butt off. I found many of the tasks I performed were similar to those of my daily routine and looking after my children, but on a much larger and more aseptic scale. I am familiar with constant hand washing, but still have to get use to the constant habit of changing gloves. I will tell you this; I will never again leave the ice scoop in the cooler. A CNA said to me, “Let me stop you there,” and I knew right away what I had done. Yup, I left the scoop in the cooler, closed it, and walked away. The CNA was nice in the way she corrected my wrong doing and I was happy to get any advice from anywhere that I could. Aside from forgetting my name tag and having to go all the way back to Ridgeway and get it before clinical at 6:45am, my day was fairly un eventful, but I did have some memorable experiences.
I spent a majority of the morning waking people up, cleaning their perianal areas, dressing them and then serving them breakfast. I did have the privilege of helping a lady that could not see with her breakfast. She did not say very much and had a hard time hearing, but I will tell you this, she loved chocolate milk. She had three cartons of it and kept telling me how delicious it was. I learnt a lot throughout the morning, but my real learning experiences were about to begin.
We had just finished helping the residents perform their morning routines and get ready for the activity of the day, which was cooking something in the activities room. Most of the residents were very excited about that. A CNA grabbed me and said, “Have you showered someone today?” “No, no I haven’t,” I said. “Alright, you can help Jessica with showering a resident.” So off I went to help with what is such a simple, personal task for me. The lady I got to shower was a character and a joy to work with. She was so patient and gave me much needed tips on my “technique.” She was a colorful individual without much shame. Washing her back and limbs were pretty straight forward and too my surprise somewhat easier then washing a stiff, helpless mannequin. I have that part down, but the mannequins back at the nursing lab at PHCC do not have cellulite rolls. I got to the point that I needed to wash the torso and the resident looked down at her breasts and said to me, “Here, let me lift up these big old things for you. Be careful, you might find a cornflake in there.” I was surprised at how straight forward she said it and it brought a smile to my face and helped to lighten the mood. The resident said the same thing about her stomach and instructed me on how she liked it to be cleaned and told me all about skin break down. When we had finished the shower, the resident said that she had a tip for drying people with big bellies. She picked up a towel and rolled it up, lifted up her belly and tucked the towel under her belly. “There,” she said, “just leave it there for a bit and it will dry it right up without causing irritation.” I thanked her for the tip and we finished with her powders and lotions. I must say that I was surprised with the use of powders on the residents because our books said not to use them.
We finished up with our resident, dressing her and helping her settle into her room. Just as soon as I walked into the hallway, Ms Hubbard grabbed me a said, “Go help Liz.” I see Liz walking down the hall and rush to catch up with her. I told her I was there to help and she was very relieved. One of the residents kept attempting to get out of her bed and Liz had been trying to figure out what the lady wanted. Scott had also come to try and decipher what the lady wanted. She was hard to understand and for the most part was incoherent and rambling random sentences; random to us, but I am sure significant to her. We thought that maybe she wanted to sit up and perhaps get in her chair and go for a stroll. We did everything by the book. Introduced ourselves, raised the bed to working level, and did a two person lift to assist her to the seated position. Once we got her seated, she said something we understood, “Dress me in something warm.” Liz then proposed that maybe she was just cold. It felt like it was 150 degrees in there, but hey who are we to argue. The resident was wearing just a gown, so we looked in her closet and found a warm robe and helped her into it. This task is completely different this dressing the mannequin and is fairly harder than dressing my children. It seemed like we fumbled our way through it and got her dressed, laid her back down, covered her and lowered the bed. We asked if that is what she wanted and got another random sentence. She looked at her robe and seemed to be pleased. She touched it with her hand and rambled off another sentence, but seemed more content. We were all getting ready to leave and the resident looked at Liz and said, “I love you.” She then looked at me and said, “I Love you too.” Last of all she looked at Scott and said, “I even love him.” I am guessing by this out pouring of affection and the fact that she stopped trying to get out of bed, that we had discovered what she wanted.
I will probably remember these to experiences, not only because they were my first official nursing student experiences, but because of the residents. I have had experience dealing with similar situations and I helped a lady out at her house once, but dealing with people who are in a place where they are reliant on others is a different story. Then vulnerability of these residents during these instances was really brought to light. The work we did was hard and tiresome and was by no means glamorous, but I actually enjoyed it for the most part, setting aside the perianal care of course. I am excited to go back and actually wish that I didn’t have to wait until Thursday. My first clinical experience has actually excited and encouraged me for what is to come. I knew that the work was going to be hard and know that it is going to get harder, but nothing worth anything in life comes easy and I am ready to work as hard as I have to so I can accomplish my goal of becoming an RN in 2013!

Semester's End

I know it has been a while, as I look back at my posts, I see the last time I posted was the 3rd week of classes. We are now at the end of the semester and I "passed" my class, but cannot move on until I pass this darn HESI. I am not sure who initiated this whole torture process and how exactly it works, but I am not a fan.

I passed my classed and got good reports in clinical, there is no way that I am going to let this test be my downfall. I have listened to welcomed and non-welcomed advice and it all seems to go along the same lines; Rest, eat, practice. Check, check, and check. In my opinion the biggest part is in the way you think. I guess I have always looked at the big picture and now I am trying to train myself to look at everything step, by step in every teeny, tiny detail.

I know my stuff, that I am absolutely positive, get me to give a shot, insert a catheter, or give a tube feeding, that I would ace, that I am good at. I have always hated the idea of tests, exams, SATs, and SOLs. I have always been better in practice than on paper as are so many. You can know the book knowledge back to front, but not how to put into practice, or you can be the kind of person that learns better with hands on experience, but find it hard visualizing and comprehending what you read. To me everything in life makes more sense when you get hands on practice. You can tell a person over and over again how to be a parent, but it really doesn't smack them in the face until they bring that little bundle of screaming joy home from the hospital and they are up all night with the little one... but I digress.

Oh, did I mention that I missed the mark by ONE, yes ONE, question. I KNOW that God has a plan in all this and I am in good company with the rest of my friends who will be re-taking the HESI on Tuesday. As far as I can tell is there is no pattern in who passed and who did not. It is what it is and that is how life is. I guess God is teaching my humility and patience, both of which I need to work on. Like some of God's lessons and plans, this one is not particulary one of the "fun" ones, or one that I much care for, but in HIS time, and HIS time only, it will be just what He wants it to be, nothing more, nothing less, just God's perfect plan.

Week 3 is over!

Another week of nursing school has come and gone and left me completely stressed and exhausted. Put that aside and I LOVE it. Grant it some parts are utterly boring and I would rather be watching 3 day cricket, but for the most part it is interesting and I focus on the fact that I am bettering myself for my family and our future.

Last week brought an unimaginable amount of homework and an assigned seating arrangement. Not all bad, it gives me a chance to get to know some of the other students that will be on this two year journey with me. Just as long as I am not near a smoker, darn asthma. I blame my mom, you know genetics. I sometimes sit in class in wonder which ones of us will make it. I hope we all do, I desire for all of us to succeed. I have some guesses, but would never vocalize them; ha, imagine that, me not vocalizing something. I can see myself succeeding, one thing I am not is a quitter or a failure. So far God has provided all I need to get to this point and He will continue to provide what I need.

People often say, "Good things come to those that wait." This exact saying is an old English that is not actually in the Bible. This actual saying is an old English proverb that was particularly popularized by a Heinz ketchup and Guinness alcohol commercial in the 1980s and 90s. It holds some truth, but is also missing some truth. Good things do come to those who wait, but you have to work for most things, like say, becoming a nurse. A load of studying is involved and a lot of sacrifice too, but in time it will be good and it will be worth it. The other, most important thing that people forget is it is God's time. This point brings me to Lamentations 3:25. This verse says, "The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him." Not only is waiting involved, but seeking God and His will and His time.

Thinking about all this waiting, studying, and working my bum off that I have been doing the past three weeks and how that is only the beginning of this new chapter I have started in my life. This all reminds me of my sheer mental and physical exhaustion which brings me once again to the Bible verse I like to call one of my life verses, which coincidentally is also about waiting and actually goes along with the verse from Lamentations. "He gives power to the weak, and those who have no might He increases strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall, But those who WAIT on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." Isiah 40:29-31

No matter what these next few years bring I KNOW God will give me strength. I may not know much more then that, but this much I DO know. He is already proving His faithfulness to me in ways I never expected. I will not go into to it, but sometimes God gives you something that you have been looking for and WAITING for, the rest is just ahead.

If I knew What I know Now

Life is so hectic right now, but I am LOVING every last minute of it. Well, most minutes anyway. I really don't have time for this, there are a million and one things that need to be done. I just thought that I would sit down for a bit and share my thoughts. I know, I know, not everyone has to know what I am thinking, I am working on that, but if you don't want to know, stop stalking my blog.

I have been thinking a lot lately about the person I used to be and the person I am now. Not in any derogatory sense, but in the sense of experience. I look back twelve years and I see a young girl trying to figure things out. Trying to make sense of the world and her role in it. Just gotten married and embarking on a new life. Back then I wanted to be a chef. Cooking is still one of my passions in life. Past experiences had caused me to mature faster, or so I thought. I thought I knew better about a lot of stuff that I was really clueless on. All that aside I look back to that point in my life and realize that no matter what I admit I have changed! Despite what my OCD tendencies tell me, it is not a bad thing. I have matured so much since those days. I look at life as an adult now and not a teenager.

I look back seven years, to before I had children. I grew up in a big family and being the oldest of 4 I knew somewhat about kids. I had been raised babysitting my siblings and other kids in the church. What I didn't think about is how much it would influence, my habits. I never dreamed that I would watch so much Disney Channel and appreciate the inconspicuousness of children's shows. I never thought that I would long so much for the old shows I used to watch as a kid, or that I would actually enjoy watching Disney's Prank Stars.

Well, here I am 7 years later and just started nursing school. In two years I will be an RN. I can't even begin to imagine the different person that I will become. Sure, I will still be without a doubt me, blunt, to the point, brutally honest, and speak my mind when appropriate, but I hope to be a more patient person.

I intend to take every life experience and use it to it's utmost and full potential. Whether it be overcoming my fear of crickets so I can feed my fire belly toads or learning to be more tactful in a professional environment, I know that I can succeed!